Wullie and the Wedding.

[piscatus absentis]

?Howzit hingin? big man.  Jist the usual??

Settled down with a pint and a glass I asked Wullie how he had been getting on.

?Jist the usual, nothing excitin?.  Well mibbe that inhuman wedding ah wiz it a week or two ago.?

?A humanist wedding.   They?re very popular these days.?

?Naw, it wizny a humanist weddin?, it wiz an inhuman weddin?.  Ah shood ken fur ah wiz there?.

?A freen o? a freen o? Teeny asked us if we wanted tae go.  Well we hivny been oot much thegither recently an? thocht we wid make a weekend o? it.  We went inty the Italian centre in Glescy fur Teeny tae buy a frock, an? shoes, an? hat an? some ither things that somebuddy your age an? state o? health dizny waant tae ken aboot.  Cost us a fortune, so it did.  Ah?ll tell ye ah wiz fair lukkin? furrit tae it.?

?Thur wiz tae be aw the best o? grub an? drink an? a furst class baun wi? a famous singer.  Jist whit we needed an? efter it Teeny?n me wid hae some time in a wee hotel near the ferm where the wedding wiz tae be held?.

?When we goat there thur wiz nae road inty the ferm, jist a muddy cairt track.  Teeny wizny fur driving oor nice new caur doon it  so ah telt hur no tae bother an? tae git up on ma back an? ah wid gie hur a killicode doon the road.  She hiked hur frock up an? goat up on ma back wi? hur legs under ma oxters.  Well ye kin imagine whit ah wiz like wi these big legs stickin? oot in front o? me a ma hauns aroon hur hurdies.  Teeny wizny ony better whit wi? bits o? hur rubbin? aginst ma back so haufwye doon we goat ahint a tree an? hu a quick stauny up?.

?Ah?ll tell ye, they hudny made a very guid job o? sweepin? oot the barn that the weddin? wiz tae be held in.  A hunner years o? coo?s shearn engrained oan a mucky flair.  Bit that?s whit ferms ur like so we jist settled doon tae watch the fun?.

?The registrar made a speech an? then the couple took a haud o? each ithers hauns an? gazed inty each ithers een while they promised tae be thegither fur ever an? ever.  He wiz weerin? an auld tee shirt an? a pair o? torn jeans an? she didn?y huv much on ataw.  In fact we wur the only twa that wiz dressed up an? ah felt right oot o? place.?

?Then the singer ? singer ? a greasy lukkin? wee nyaff hung ower his guitar an? wailed a song he hud composed fur the occasion.  Ah coodny make oot a word o? it.  Then they announced the wedding feast.  Ah noticed that the registrar hud goat oot o? the wye a fast as she could.?

?The feast wiz ?organic vegetarian?.  Organic shite mair like it.  Ah never touched it.  The drink wiz wine that the bride?s faither hud made himsel.  Ah think he pished it himsel, it wiz that bad although fae the noises o? some o? the guest it hud a fair kick.  Tenny?s pal must huv kent whit tae expect an? wiz cairryin? a big rucksack.  She goat us ower inty a corner an? pu?d oot a bottle or? two an? some cans o? beer that we settled doon tae erse?.

?The baun!  Twa guitars an? a drum machine!  They wur terrible!  Ah telt Teeny ah wiz gittin? oot bit she said ah hud tae gie the bride a  dance, jist tae be sociable.?

?So ah asked hur up an? she wiz aw ower me right aff.  Ah ken whit she wiz lukkin? fur bit thur wiz nae wye ah wiz gaun tae touch hur.    Then hur man butted in an? asked whit ah wiz tryin? tae dae wi his wife.  Ah telt him ah wiz tryin? nuthin? bit he wiz stottin? an? kept gaun oan.  Teeny came across tae calm things doon an? he started oan at hur.  He jist widny stoap an? lukked as though he wiz gaun tae hiv a go at Teeny so she belted him.  That wummin hiz a helluva right haun an? he wiz right oot o? it wi whit lukked like a broken jaw an? hauf his teeth wur oan the flair?.

?Then the wife started oan at Teeny an? whit hud she din tae hur poor innocent man.  She wiz fur hivvin? a go at Teeny but aw that happened is that she feenished up on the flair beside him ? flat oot.?

?Then hur faither came across an? started cryin? Teeny fur everythin?  Ah wizny gaun tae staun fur that an? telt him tae bugger aff afore ah melted him.  Bit he yapped oan an oan an? ah wiz gittin? ready tae claim him bit Teeny said tae leave it tae hur.  Ah telt hur it wiz man?s work bit she wiz hivvin? nane o? it.  Ach well the lassie wiz enjoyin? hursel  so ah jist stood back?.

?A three hunner pound Versace boot jist where it hurts the maist an? doon he went.  Then Teeny screamed that he hud wasted hur shoe and ruined hur frock that hud torn when she kicked him.  So she jist pit the bit inty him again.?

?The frock wizny the only thing that wiz ruined ? that boy?ll never sing in a male voice choir again, ahll tell ye.?

? Well that pit the tin lid oan the weddin? an? maist folk sat back tae wait fur the ambulance.  We shoat the craw back tae the hotel an? hud a great night.  We?ll hiv tae go oot thegither mair often.?

I made a mental note not to get on the wrong side of Teeny while Wullie was off topping up our glasses.

[Noddy]

Superb as always!

[haresear]

Magic Bob.

We went inty the Italian centre in Glescy fur Teeny tae buy a frock, an? shoes, an? hat an? some ither things that somebuddy your age an? state o? health dizny waant tae ken aboot.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Alex

[Inchlaggan]

great

[River Chatter]

Guid yin PA  :lol: