Wullie and the M****s.

[piscatus absentis]

We were having a good night.  The beer was good, the whisky was going down well and to our amusement a couple of neds a few tables away from us seemed to be heading for a fight.

Then Wullie said, ?Ah?m gaun tae jine the masons?

I choked on my pint and spluttered out, ?mind your tongue Wullie and don?t say things like that in an open bar?.

?Whit?s warng wi? jinin? the .....?.

I had my hand over his mouth in an instant.

?Wullie, you can join whatever you want but don?t announce it in a bar unless you are sure the natives are friendly.  What will Teeny say if she picks you up with chib marks on your face?.

?It?s no that bad.  Is it??

?Look Wullie, move over to that table in the corner while I fill up the glasses and keep your tongue still?.

With fresh glasses on the table I asked him why he was so keen on joining.

?Weel, it?ll save me money, let me meet some new pals an? help wi? ma fishing?

?How do you work that out??

?The Master Angler?s Syndicate of Northern Scotland is no whit ye think it is.  It?s a toap level organisation that?s perfect fur someone wi? ma talents and abilities.  Ah?ve been telt  that efter ah pass a few tests that ah?ll be inducted wi? a due ceremony and ah?ll qualify fur aw the benefits that a master angler like me deserves?.

?Wullie, how did an organisation of hooks and crooks like that lot  manage to get their gaffs into you?  Where did you come across them or where did they come across you as if I didn?t know?

?Whit dae you ken aboot thum,? he asked suspiciously.

?Wullie, if it wasn?t for my disability and pure luck they would have gripped me a few years ago.  They nearly had me but I got out by the skin of my teeth.  How much has this cost you so far??

?Nuthin?.  In fact ah goat a seven hunner pound road an? reel fur three hunner?

?Wullie, you got a hundred pound rod and reel made in Taiwan for three hundred.  I know how these folk work.?

?Tell me?.

?You were fishing and a man you?ve never met complimented you on your abilities and told you you?d become one of the greatest fishers ever.  Then you finished up in a pub with him while he praised your uncanny fishing skills and told you if you ever wanted some good tackle cheaply he would look after you.  A few weeks later you met him again, had another few drinks and finished up in a tackle shop.  You were shown exclusive rods and reels from America and when your new pal butted in the price was more than halved?

?How dae you ken that??

?And Teeny wasn?t with you and you sneaked it home without her seeing it.  Am I right??

?How dae ye ken aw this?.

?The very same thing happened to me and if it wasn?t for my natural stinginess and serious hearing loss I would have been swallowed up by them.  Away and fill up our glasses and I?ll tell you what happened?.

?I was having a day on the Tweed and had just sat down for a coffee and a bite to eat when this bloke appeared.  He had been watching me and said it was a delight watching a natural born fisher.  Now you know that I?m almost deaf so I only heard half of what he was saying but his chat was good so I sat and listened to him.   Later on when I was packing up he re-appeared and asked if I fancied a few pints.?

?I very seldom carry cash with me when I?m fishing except for an emergency twenty in my bus pass wallet but agreed to go with him.  As it happened he finished up buying all the drink due to my lack of money situation and all throughout I got the story about my natural fishing ability and expertise which led on to a discussion about tackle.  If I ever needed good tackle at a good price he was the man to see?

?A few weeks later I was in Edinburgh in a tackle shop and there he was.  He suggested I had a look at some very expensive American gear.  It looked nice but there was no way I would buy it and, anyway, I only had enough cash in my pockets to buy a packet of hooks.  We went for a drink, again, he paid, again, and when he thought he had me in an amenable mood we went back to the shop.  I said I had no money with me but the shopkeeper said he would take credit cards, debit cards or even personal cheques.  And as a special favour to my new pal he offered 50% discount?.
?Now if someone offers me a deal like that I know there?s something smelly so I asked for 75% off and a couple of good lines thrown in to fill up the reel.  We negotiated, or at least I tried to negotiate despite the suggestions from my new pal that I was pushing too hard?.

?The upshot was that I left and got the bus home full of drink at someone else?s expense.  A good day?.

?But there?s more.  Months later I was in a pub in Dundee when I met him again.  He was sitting at a table with a few other men and when they saw me they were off.  But one of them, I now know he?s the grand panjandrum, dropped a bit of paper on his hasty way out.  It was a list of tackle purchases at different tackle shops all over Scotland showing how much they had persuaded suckers to spend, how much their commission was and how much was passed on to the grand panjandrum?.

?Half the tackle shops in Scotland are in on the game.  Selling cheap Taiwanese rubbish at American prices less a discount that still gives them all a good living.  Just thank your lucky stars you mentioned this to me?.

?Jeez o, see the things that go oan an? ye never hear aboot thum.  Hoo much o? a discount kin ye git fur me at the Glasgow Angling Centre?.

?Ah Wullie, that?s a hard one.  Away and get another to up and I?ll explain how to get at least 15%.  But that?ll just be between you and me.  That?s what friends are for?.

[Wildfisher]

Great stuff Bob. 

[thewaterbouys]

     Great stuff  :lol: :lol: :lol:

[River Chatter]

He he, ya dafty PA!  :lol:

[Malcolm]

One of the best. The odd pearl of wisdom in there too!

[IrishFloatTube]

Aaah ... one of the highlights of the month. 
Great!