Wullie goes big game fishing.

[piscatus absentis]

?Ah?m gaunty hiv anither pint.  That boattled stuff they hud oan the island wiz worse than pish.  A hauf?ll go doon well tae.  Mind ye some o? that rum wizny too bad.  Ah suppose you?d like anither wan tae??

?Just to keep you company Wullie.  Glad to be back and ready to start fishing again??

?Ah niver stoapped  fishin?.  Ah hud a go at that big gemme fishin? no? that it wiz very exciting.? 

?Teeny an? me wiz oot fur a walk doon near the harbour when this big lad asked us if we wanted tae try oor hauns at sea fishin? fur really big stuff.  Teeny hud jist come back frae the beauticians, no that she needs it mind ye, where she?d goat hur finger an? tae nails aw painted.  Hur thumbs hud the twa Scoattish flags oan thum and the flags o? ither countries oan hur ither fingers an? tae nails so she wiz in a good mood.  Hur hauns hud claws as big as a tiger. ?

?I?ve never been fishing with you before William and I?d like to see what you do.?

?Oot came the credit caird an? the boat wiz booked fur the next day bit aw she pyed at that time wiz a deposit.  We wur telt thur wiz nae need tae bring ony tackle since aw that we needed wid be supplied an? the ?lovely lady? could maybe catch some weeer fish if she felt like it.?

?The sun wiz splittin? the trees an? Teeny wiz weerin? the west bikini ye ever saw wi? a sort o? filmy thing tae cover it.  Ah?ll tell ye the crew couldny  keep thur een aff hur an? the captain, a great big black man wiz aw ower hur makin? sure she goat aw she wanted.  We sailed oot fur aboot an hoor an? stoapped tae catch some wee fish like mackerel fur bait an? the captain kept tryin? tae git his hauns roon Teeny tae show hur, he said, how tae haud the rod bit she hud nane o? it an? jist shook him aff.?

?Then we went oot a bit further an? they set up aboot five or six roads wi? the weeer fish oan thum as bait afore we started cruisin? aboot efter the big boys.  Teeny wiz gittin?  a bit fed up by then an? stretched oot oan the tap o? the boat tae suntan.  She took hur tap aff an? the captain produced some ile an? offered  tae rub it in tae stoap hur gittin? burned bit she jist telt him tae bugger aff an? let hur man dae it.?

?We sailed aboot fur hoors bit nothin? happened.  Then Teeny announced that she?d hud enough o? fishin? an? it wiz time we goat back in.  Ah must say ah wizny exactly hivvin the time o? ma life eether.?

?Oan the wye back in the captain said that we still hud tae pye the whale cost since the boat wiz booked fur the day whether we coat fish or no.  Where it came frae Ah don?t know bit Teeny produced the credit caird  an? telt him thus wid be nae tip since we hudny ony big gemme fish.?

?Then he came away wi? the shoacker.  He wid gie the ?lovely lady? a heavy discount if she wid keep him happy later oan.  Ah wiz jist gaun tae go fur him when Teeny grabbed him wi? hur talons an? ah thocht that he wid be singin? soprano fur the rest o? his life?

?His een wur staunin? oot on stalks an? sweat wiz poorin? aff him.  ?One wee squeeze?, she said,  ?and  we?ll have a fresh supply of bait.  I wonder if the fish would like them.?  He wiz terrified an? nearly shitin? himsel?.

?Then she said, ?I?ll tell you what.  If you can measure up to my man I?ll meet your terms but if not we?ll call it quits and you?ll keep the deposit.?  He relaxed a bit at that and said that he wid show hur a good time that nicht with something she had never seen the size of before.?

?So ah hud tae git the big boy oot an? pit it oan a choppin? board next tae his.  It micht huv been a close run thing bit ah think the look in Teeny?s een an? the wye she wiz haudin? a filletin? knife pit him aff a bit.  Mind ye he wiz a big boy?.

?So we goat a day?s big gemme fishin? an? tapped up oor suntans an? a sail fur the price o? the deposit.  Later oan ah asked Teeny where she hud hidden the credit caird.  ?You?ll just have to strip search me to find it?, she said.  So ah did bit ah never fund it.  It wiz fun lookin? bit.?