Wullie and the Ram

[piscatus absentis]

?You don?t bother wi? the ornaments on the mantelpiece when ye?re pokerin? the fire?, a good friend of mine used to say.  This also seems to be Shithead Wullies philosophy and perhaps one of the secrets of his wife?s financial success.  Mind you, looking at the size of some of the frustrated women in the Monklands you need a long poker and Wullie?s is legendary.  ?Like a wean?s airm hauding a Jaffa orange?, was one comment but the most accurate, I feel, is, ?like a wummin?s airm haudin? a pomegranate?.   No wonder he never wears jeans or neoprene waders.

Perhaps due to his ?work? there is always an aroma surrounding him and animals such as sheep and cattle seem to find it irresistible.  Ewes and cows follow him around probably in the expectation of a good time.  And Wullie hates this.  I?ve seen him walk around rather than across a field just to avoid the attentions of a herd of sheep or cattle.  Unfortunately, the males of the ovine and bovine species seem to regard him as a threat.

It was that time of the year when the lambs had left to meet the mint sauce and the ewes were feeling restless.  But to the rescue came randy the ram complete with a blue block of chalk attached to his chest.  As he charged down the field looking for business he suddenly stopped and sniffed - Wullie was at the water?s edge.  Two minutes later Wullie was up to his vital parts in the loch while an enraged ram patrolled the bank desperate to see off a rival.

Now Wullie knew that he could not simply wade along the loch and past a fence since the was a bog on one side and a deepish hole on the other so he shouted for help.  Any observers feigned deafness - this could be interesting.  Not knowing what to do Wullie started throwing his lunch at the ram.  The animal showed all signs of enjoying four Gregg?s sausage rolls and two steak slices.  When the cold pies arrived it decided enough was enough and trotted off, honour satisfied.

Feeling that he was now safe Wullie waded ashore.  What he couldn?t see, although we spectators could, is that about forty ewes had abandoned randy the ram and were charging across the field towards him.  Ben Johnson was never that quick and Dick Fosbury would have retired after seeing Wullie clear a fence while wearing water filled thigh-boots.

Now he never visits the loch during the mating season.

[haresear]

Magic stuff as always, PA :lol:

You certainly know how to tell a good story.

Alex

[superscot]

another grand read .... :lol: :lol: :lol:
cheers