The body in the Ericht.

[piscatus absentis]

This happened many years ago and some of you who live in that part of Scotland that now seems to be permanently bubble wrapped may recall the incident.  This is the true story of what happened and if you are in any way related to the deceased I apologise beforehand.

Four lads from North Lanarkshire heard that the Ericht was, ?stuffed fu wi salmon?, and decided to reduce the overcrowding and perhaps turn a small profit while they were at it.  They arrived on a Saturday evening and a visit to the river confirmed that fish were there in abundance so they went into the town to have a pint or three and prepare themselves for the night's work.

They reached the river around 1.00 a.m. on a night, ?as black as the earl o' hell's waistcoat?, and found two men from the Raploch attending to their intended pool.  Nothing daunted they moved downstream and a pair of them started in the next two pools.  They were doing very well when the fisher (that is the man with the rod) noted that he had hooked the biggest fish he had ever felt.  I should explain here that their technique is correctly known as ?ripping? or ?snaiggling?and the second man stands by with a gaff.   He managed to get the ?fish? into the side and number two gaffed it and then had trouble hauling it out.  Suddenly a foot clad in a black sock appeared followed by a stretch of bare leg and their joint nerves failed and they fled down the water to their colleagues, who were also doing well.

The tale was considered, F***ing incredible?, and the four of them returned to try again ? it was, in fact, a body.  At that stage the two Raploch men, who had been attracted by the commotion, appeared and calmly started to go through the pockets of the deceased.  There was much debate but they decided that, given their reputations, the matter should be reported but at Blairgowrie rather than Perth since the were ?known? to the Perthshire constabulary who had previously taken possession of one of their vans.

I should tell you that the driver had a disability ? a stutter.  When the parked outside the police station in the town an officer came out and announced that it was a no parking area.  ?A-a-a we-wee-weesh tha-tha-that wiz the o-on-onl-only th-thi-thin-thing ah h-ha-had to w-wo-worr-worry a-ab-abo-aboot?, was the reply.  The police listened to their story, took down the details and did not seem surprised, a local man had been missing for a few days.  As they were leaving the station one of them laughed and, on being asked, what was so funny replied, ?well last week ah caught a bike an' this week ah caught the man that was riding it?.  This, of course, led to a search of the van but apart from a fug of cigarette smoke nothing was found.

The were stopped again south of Perth, but again nothing was found.  As I heard this was forward planning.

I, emphatically and honestly, was not involved.

[Richy]

Davy,

I'm puttin up a new fence at the weekend and was wonderin if I could have a loan of that hammer.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

All the best

Richy

[Pearly Invicta]

My mate Paul was a boaby in Blairgowrie for years and he had loads of stories of poachers- some of the old school and taking a fish for the pot and some right violent bastards who were just hardened criminals who would steal anything.

He told me about an old gypsy lad who was a bit of a rogue but basically harmless. Wullie was wandering through the toon with a noticeable bulge in his left trouser leg.

"What's that doon yer leg Wullie?"
"Whit? Oh that's nothin officer"
"It looks like a fish to me Wullie"
"Oh, aye, a fish officer. Fresh frae the fishmonger!"

"Must be a hell of a fishmonger Wullie- its no just fresh, it's still alive!"