Shiteheid Wullie. By Special Request.

[piscatus absentis]

For Zeolite and Ardbeg.

?Howzit hingin? big man?  Howzit  that every time Ah meet you it?s ootside a pub?  Ach well, we micht as weel go in an? hiv a gless.?

We were soon settled down with pints and chasers and I mentioned that I hadn?t seen him around for a while.

?Busy, busy busy.  Huvny hud a meenit tae masel fur weeks.  Ye ken whit like it is.?

In fact I didn?t know what like it was and changed the subject to fishing.

?Been out to the loch much recently??

?Naw, nae time fur fishin; at aw.  Ah?ve only been oot wance in the last twa or three weeks an? that wiz tae a wee loch ootside Dunkeld.?

?Oh, that would be Butterstone.  I didn?t realise you liked boat fishing.?

?Canny staun it bit ah wiz daen a favour fur a pal o? mine.  He?d been tellin? me that some English expert wiz comin? up an? he wiz lookin? fur a Scotsman tae show him the ropes.  Weel, ah telt him ah wiz jist the wee man he needed fur naebuddy kens as much aboot fishin? lochs as me.  He wizny too sure bit coz he hudny much time an? ah hud a couple o? days aff comin? he said he wid arrange it.?

?We goat thegither at the car park in Dunkeld an? you should hae seen the man?s een when he goat a sicht o? ma caur an? Wee Teeny.  Ah don?t think he thocht that a Scotsman could hae a BMW an? a wife like mine.  She?s a big smasher.?

I had to agree, especially with the big part.  When last did you see a six foot six amazon?

?We went up tae the loch ? it?s no very big mind ye, nuthin like oors.  Ah canny even say ah wiz impressed wi the boats bit ah suppose we?re wasted doon here wi the best o? everythin?.?

He wizn?y very big an? hudny much hair bit whit he hud wiz made inty a pigtail.  An? wan o? thae wee pinty beards ? ye ken the kind ? aw the posers huv thum.  An? then a jaiket covered wi badges an? a weskit oan the tap wi? even mair badges.  An? rods an? reels comin? oot his ears.  Ah?ve never seen onybuddy cairryin? sae much tackle.  He hud a dizzen flee boaxes set up oan a whit lukked like a big perr o? sugar tongs.  An? there wiz me wi? wan rod, wan reel an? that wee boax o? flees that you tied up fur me.  Ah should hae been black affronted bit he wiz that funny talkin? tae hissel aboot whit set up tae yaze that ah hud a hard time keepin? a straight face.?

?So we goat inty the boat wi? the ither boy  oan the injin an? set oot tae fish.  Wan thing ah?ll gie him ? he could cast.  Twenty yairds nae bother an? bringin? the flees back like billy o.  Then he wid chinge the flees an? start bringin? thum back slow, then he wid chinge thum again an? jist wait tae the boat coat up wi? thum.?

?Ah jist pit oan a couple o? wee black things an? fished away as best ah could.?

?Efter aboot hauf an? hoor he says, ?it?s a hard loch to read and fish.  Do you think I should change the flies again??  Ye?d better ah thocht fur yuv still aboot six boaxes tae git through.?

??Then oot o? the blue ah goat a fish.  Efter it wiz netted ma pal went tae chap it bit ah telt him tae pit it back.  Ah widn?y hae the name o? killin? wee ugly fish like that.?

?The Englishman wiz amazed.  ?That was a two pound fish?.  ?Aye mibbe?, ah said, bit if oor committee stocked fish like that they?d be lukkin? fur new joabs the day afore the morn.?

?Tae cut a long story short ah hud six fish an? nut wan o? thum worth keepin?.  Ah widny even hud fed thum tae ma cat if ah hud wan.  The Englishman hud wan an? that wiz oan a flee that he cadged frae me.?

?Ah well?, he said, ?I don?t feel too bad since this is my first time on a Scottish loch Now that I know what to expect I?ll do better next time.?

?Ah thocht, bit ah didny say, ?ye?ll dae better if ye concentrate oan yur fishin? and dinny spend sae mich time chingin? flees an? rods an? line.  Jist chip ony flee oot an? if it comes by a fish it?ll take it.  Yuv goat tae hae yur line in the watter tae find the fish.?

?Back in Dunkeld ah treated him tae a fish supper.  Ye shoody seen his een starin? at that wee lassie that serves in the chip shoap.  Ye ken the wan ah mean ? she works in the souvenir shoap across the road durin? the day.?

?Then ah took him inty the Legion.  Cheap beer an? whisky bit he jist didny appreciate it.  Hud tae cairry him oot efter a gless or twa when he pished his troosers an? started singin? some English songs.?

?Ah dinny think he?ll be back in a hurry.  Ye fur anither hauf ? ah ken you kin haud it??   

[Clan Ford]

Super Bob,

Dare you to put that one up on the other forum :lol:

Norm

[zeolite]

 :allhail

I knew a man of your stature would rise to the occasion and what an occasion!

Double dare!

[Sandison]

A wonderful story - just priceless. Many thanks!