Keep Fit Wullie.

[piscatus absentis]

Do you, like me, get out of condition during the close season?  No regular walking round the loch carrying half a hundredweight of tackle leaves me struggling for quite a time at the start of the new season.  I try to have a walk every day but, to be honest, I need some motivation.  Like recently one of my mates in Salsburgh was not too well and I agreed to exercise his wee dog.  It?s one of these wee terrier things and quite biddable until the morning it spotted a rabbit and went after it.  I saw it going under a fence and through a stand of trees and followed it, almost into the arms of Shithead Wullie.

Actually it was his back that I saw first but immediately recognisable by the shape of his head and the colour of his hair.  Then I noticed a pair of arms and a pair of legs wrapped round and realised that he was hard at work with a women he was holding up against a tree.  The dog was watching as well so got the leash on it and retreated into some high bushes that did not spoil my view. There was some moaning and squealing and giggling , after a few minutes, the woman seemed well satisfied and  recovered enough to pull up a pair of tiny shorts.  Wullie patted her on the backside, asked if she had enjoyed it (which she obviously had), and off she trotted on unsteady legs with what appeared to be a trail of slime running down her legs.  Wullie tidied himself up and I heard him mutter, ?better find the next yin,?  just as  the dog tried to pull away from me again.  Of course we were noticed by Wullie who quickly settled down when he saw it was me; I feel that he trusts me and knows that I won?t tell his secrets to anyone else.  ?C?moan ower?n hiv a sate fur a meenit or two, ah?m no gittin ony younger an? this keep fit lark gits harder every day?.

His kindly, but mercenary wife, and her co-directors had carried out a survey and decided to try to position the company, of which Wullie is the only asset, upmarket. Keep fit they saw as a growing and profitable area with a better (and wealthier) type of client so they had installed a gymnasium, ?games room?, with all the necessary equipment including a full size snooker table.  The paths in the castle policies had been improved and comfortable little nooks conveniently placed.  The outdoor sports were, Wullie said, the most popular although not necessarily his personal favourite.

Four or five of the girls would leave the castle wearing running shoes, shorts, shirts and not much more.  After five minutes Wullie would follow them and their stated objective was to try and run away from him thereby gaining valuable, and expensive, exercise.  ?No that many o? them go that faur?, opined Wullie, ?an? no that they?re that hard tae catch - thank God?.  ?Mind ye, ah make sure that they git a guid work oot when ah catch them an? thurs been nae complaints yet?   ?And what happens if it?s cold and wet?, I asked.  ?That?s why we?ve goat the gemmes room, aw the equipment we need tae gie them a guid workoot.  Nae complaints at aw oan that side.  Mind ye that snooker table?s no gaun tae last very long?.  ?We?re oan tae oor third swing already?.

?Well I better let you get on with it?, I said, standing up and making sure the dog was properly attached to the lead.  ?Ay?, he agreed, ?back tae work, nae rest fur the wicked?.

[sandyborthwick]

Looks like I'm destined to be the Fat, unfit, grumpy git then!!!!!

Sandy B.O.