Shiteheid Wullie and Valentine's Day.

[piscatus absentis]

?It?s aw these professional lesbians ye see?, Wullie was explaining to me.

?Professional lesbians??

?Aye professional lesbians.  It?s a career choice these days.  The accoontant wiz explainin? it tae me while she wiz showin? me thae chart things she makes up ? that wiz afore she goat too excited tae go oan?.

?Wullie, I?m fascinated.  Both the charts and the lesbian bit.  Tell me about the charts first?.

?She?s goat loats o? thum.  The wan that she wiz showin? me hud aw oor takin?s week bi week an? the Valentine?s week wan went through the roof.  That?s because we kin chairge mair at that time.  Ah?m tellin? ye ah never stoap aw week an? the wans that waant Valentine?s day pye the maist.  It?s only fair d?ye no think??

?But Wullie why is a lesbian paying you for something they don?t like??

?Dinny kid yersel, they like it jist as much as ony wummin an? so diz thur girlfreens.  Wance yuz hud thum ower the tap a time or two they aywiz come back fur mair?.

?Their girlfriends??

?Ay, ah telt ye thur no real lesbians ? jist kid oan wans so they git oan better at thur work.  It?s aw these new laws that say ye canny haud personal habits against onybuddy an? they seem tae think that that?s sumthin on thur side an? that let?s thum git oan better where they work?.

?Bit jist like aw wummin they canny be daen withoot it an? so they surprise thur girlfreen at Valentine?s time.  Jist tae let thum see whit thur missin.  Whit happens is that ah turn up at the door wi? a boattle o? champagne an? a bunch o? flooers an? a ribbon tied aroon the big man.  Ye should see thur een.  As happy as Larry they ur.  An? thur even happier efter ah?ve feenished wi? thum?.

?We did hae some bother wi the wan that wiz pyin? expecting a freebie bit ah pit the hems oan that.  Nae two fur the price o? wan wi? this boy.  If they waant two they pye fur two.  An? the cash hiz tae be in the bank afore ah turn up.  Yuv goat tae be hard in this business.  Nae credit cairds an?  nae cheques, cash oan the nail aforehaun or nae Wullie an? nae happiness?.         

?With all this disease about are you not worried you are walking into something you might regret??

?Nae worries there, thut aw checked oot well aforehaund.  Awfy discreet we ur an? they never ken it?s happened.  It?s the same wi aw oor clients ? tested regularly.  Ah coodn?y afford tae huv ony bother like that.  An? it helps the cash flow as weel.  It makes sure the money is in the bank furst.  Mind ye, the wans that ur oan direct debit dinny huv the same problems bit thur still checked oot aw the same?.

?There?s a lot more to this business than I ever thought.  But paying extra at Valentine?s day is a new one on me?.

??Valentine?s day, Christmas, Easter ur oany holiday is aywiz dearer.  Folks ur willin? tae spend mair money tae gie thur wives an? pairtners a surprise.  It?s human nature.  Yuv jist goat tae huv a bit o? a brass neck an? ah?ve never hud ony complaints aboot ma prices.  It?s wummin yur dealin? wi here an? dinny expect thum tae think like a normal human bein?.  You get yur kicks buyin? new tackle an? they git thur kicks oot o? buyin? ma tackle.  That?s the wye the world goes?.

?But lesbians, it?s hard to credit?.

?Jist you credit it, ah telt ye thur nae different tae ony ither wummin bit thur often better pyed an? quite happy tae spend it oan a man that kin keep thum an' thur girlfreen happy fur a wee while.  Human nature, that?s whit it is, human nature?. 

Sometime I wonder if I understand the world and human nature.

[alancrob]

?It?s aw these professional lesbians ye see?

Mark Twain never got a line as good as that to start a story.

Pure magic as always PA.

Cheers

Alan

[johnsd]

 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:Brill

[River Chatter]

Total scream, love it!  :lol:

[superscot]

Good Stuff  :lol: :lol: