Wullie and the landed gentry.

[piscatus absentis]

?Git away up tae the bar an? git some beer in.  Ahve a drouth here tthat ah widny sell.  Buyin? a roon noo an? then?ll hurt ye ? an? dinny gie me ony yur moanin? aboot how hard life is when yur oan a pension.  Wur aw the same, every penny is a prisoner in this day an? age?.

So settled down with a couple of pints and whisky chasers I asked Wullie, ?did you mange any salmon fishing after the trout season ended??

?Aye, ah?d anither day oot doon in the borders thanks tae Teeny.  She thocht ah needed some time aff an? sorted oot a day oan wan o? thae exclusive beats an? ah dinny daur ask her hoo much it cost ? it widny be cheap ah kin tell ye?.

?Any fish??

?Ah hud a couple bit whit wiz mair interestin? is that it let?s ye see hoo the ither hauf lives.  They?re no like us in ony wye?.

?Teeny wiz desperate tae git back tae Embra fur some shoapin? so she drapped me aff early.  Ah wiz sitting outside the hut afore onybody appeared.  Ah poored oot a cup o? tea an? wiz jist bitin? inty a pie when ah heard a vice askin?, ?what are you doing here??  It wiz the ghillie comin? doon tae open the hut an? gat things ready fur the day.?

?Ah?m  booked oan fur a day?s fishin?.

?You don?t look like the type we normally get down here.  Can I ask your name??.

?So ah telt the stuck up arsehole ma name an? then telt him that if he went oan like that his chances o? a guid tip widny be awfy high.  That shut him up a bit bit jist then anither caur came an? he wiz aff like a shot tae luk efter a man that lukked as though he hud mair money than me.?

Ah pu?d ma waders oan an? started tae pit ma road up while he wiz sookin? up the erse o? the ither man.  Then anither ghillie appeared an? anither caur wi whit lukked like anither toff.  The two o? them ignored me an? wiz settin? up roads an? helpin? the new arrivals inty thur waders an? jaikets an? haunin oot flees ? sickenin? so it wiz the wye they wur dancin? attention oan thum.  Ah?ll tell ye ah didny feel very welcome.  D?ye think it?s the wye ah talk?  Mibbe ah should take some o? these execution lessons that Teeny keeps gaun oan aboot.?

?Then anither caur arrived a Range Rover it wiz.  This wummin got oot an? the twa Ghillies wiz ower as fast as they could an? ah?ll sweer they wid huv bowed an? scraped if ah hudny been watchin.?

?Right away she saw me an shouted oot, ?William, what are you doing down here??  It wiz Daisy, wan o? ma regulars.?

?The ither fower  stood wi? thur mooths open as Daisy ran ower tae me, threw hur airms roon me an? gied me a real smacker.?

?Ah?m jist doon fur some fishin? ah telt hur.?

?At that wan o? the ghillies asked, ? do you know this man, your ladyship??

?One of my dearest  and longest standing friends and he?s not ?this man?, he?s a real gentleman an don?t you forget it.?

?She explained that ?His Grace? was a touch under the weather today and had asked her to come down and make sure everything was in order.  And as far as she was concerned her day had been made when she saw me and I was to get the best of attention  and there had better be a couple of good fish on the end of my line ? or else?.

?We walked away frae the rest while the ghillie who hud taen ma rod wiz settin? it up an? she telt me that she wiz lukkin? furrit tae oor next ?assignation? as she called it bit tae try no let drap onythin? tae the ghillies?.

?Ah?m the soul o? discretion ah telt hur.?

?The ghillies wur asked whit the lunch arrangements wur an? wur telt that onywye she wid come doon wi? somethin? fur me, an? ah hud tae git number one beat aw day if ah wanted it.  Ah?m no sure whit the ghillies an? the ither guests made o? it an? ah?m even less sure whit they thocht when she gied me anither big cuddle an? smacker afore she drove away?.

?Ah?ve nivver hud  a moarnin? like it.  Twa ghillies aw ower me like heelan midges, tyin? oan flees frae thur personal boaxes, tellin? me where tae cast an? up tae the oxters in watter nettin? the twa fish that ah goat.  Aw the time they wiz speerin? tae find oot hoo ah kent ?her ladyship? bit ah telt them nothing ? jist that we hud been freens fur years.?

?At lunch time she arrived again wi the caur loaded up fur lunch.  Even anither servant so that we did?ny huv tae lift a haun tae help oorsels tae the best o? everything an? aw the drink we waanted.  She even hud champagne.  Did ah tell ye that she likes a champagne shower?  Ah noticed that the ghillies managed at least twa boattles o? wine each.?

?Efter lunch it wiz back doon tae the watter an? ah?ll tell y ethe ghillies wur a bit happy aw efternin wi aw the drink they?d poored doon thur throats an? they still kept speerin? bit goat nae chinge oot o? me.?

?Jist afore feenishin? time Teeny arrived an? the ghillies wiz gogglin? at hur an? the caur.  Then Daisy arrived an? threw hur airms roon Teeny an? telt hur tae bring me doon ony time she waanted an? she?d always be welcome.  Ah could see this really hud the ghillies wonnerin? jist whit wiz gaun oan especially when they saw the big BMW that we?ve goat.?

?So ah slipped the ghillies a twenty each  an? telt thum nivver tae judge a man by the wye he talks.  Then ah gave Daisy a big cuddle an? kiss jist tae keep thum in suspense an? we wur aff.  Ah?ll bet the talk in the pub that night wiz interestin?.
   
I?m  glad you enjoyed yourself  Wullie.  Your round I think.?

[Sandison]

You have sent me to bed smiling, after a taxing day. Many thanks.

[johnsd]

Entertaining as usual cheers John

[Malcolm]

I liked that one . Thanks PA

[Wildfisher]

That's a cracker Bob, I really enjoyed it.