Wullie's Wee Hoose.

[piscatus absentis]

?Away ye go ? hiv anither gless.  It?ll no dae ye ony herm.  It?s guid fur ye an? it?ll gie me a chance tae tell ye aboot that wee chancer Abigail.  It?s no often ah git a chance tae tell onybuddy aboot ma business.?

Accepting the offered whisky, along with a pint chaser I sat back to hear the story of Abigail.

?She?s wan o? ma regulars ? every Friday efternin.  She?s goat sumthin tae dae wi TV an when ah turned up the room wiz fu o? cameras an lights.  Whit?s this ah asked an? she telt me that she wanted tae make a film o? hur an? me thegither  so that she wid hae sumthin tae watch when she felt a bit lonely?.

?Noo ah wizny sure aboot it an? asked if ah could yaze hur phone tae talk tae Mhairi.?

?Mhairi ??

?Aye she?s ma lawyer an? the company secretary?.

?Why not use your mobile??

?Ah hivny goat wan.  Dae ye ken that if ye ca onybuddy it let?s thum ken yer number.  Ah?m no as daft as ah luk?.

?Mhairi asked me if Abigail wiz a regular and was she up to date wi hur pyements.  Nae problems at aw ah telt hur.  Then she asked if she hud signed the agreement.  Months ago ah telt hur?.

?Then she went intae the lawyer talk bit the upshoat wiz that naebuddy could make pictures ur onything like that without askin me an? if they did onything that wiz produced belonged tae me an? couldny be yased without ma say so.?

?Abigail heard aw this  an? said she jist wanted a wee film fur hursel an? widny let it go oot o? hur hauns?.

?Naw, ah canny dae it ah telt hur ? ah?m no making ony porno films.  Ah?m a respectable businessman.  Jist pit the cameras away an?  we?ll git doon tae whit ah came here fur?.

?She tried tae coax me inty it.  There she wiz weerin jista dug collar an? a tattoo  oan hur belly that?s says ?Wullie? Wee  Hoose??.

?A tattoo??

Aye, a loat o? thum hiv wan.  It?s goat an arra as weel pintin doon tae you know where aw surrounded wi flooers?.

?Are any of them married??

?Aye, bit they jist pass it aff as a joke an? ye ken that wullie stauns fur mair than ma name.  Ah git commission fae the tattooist that diz the work ? weel thur?s a  recession oan an? every penny?s a prisoner these days?.

?Then the phone went again jist as Abigail wiz workin seriously oan me.  It wiz Mhairi fur me.  She?d been talking tae wan o? the ither lassies that diz the publicity fur us an? she thocht it wiz a great idea.  We could film me in action wi ony wummin that wanted it bit charge thum fur it.  Mhairi reckoned we could make thoosands  fae it?.

?Ah telt Mhairi that ah wid talk tae hur efter because sumthin hud jist came up.  Abigail wiz a happy wee lassie that nicht bit never goat hur film?.

?Later oan Mhairi goat back tae me tae say she thocht we should hae a board meeting.  It?s nae skin aff ma nose hivvin a board meetin fur ah quite enjoy the fun an? gemmes efter it an? Teeny says the extra money fae the directors fees makes a difference every month?.

?So you?re going into the film business?.

?We?ll see, we?ll see ? it?s big thocht.  Ah?ve nae doot that the lassies?ll keep it private bit ye never ken wi things like this.  D?ye think ah should yase makeup??