The Honey Trap.

[piscatus absentis]

It?s funny you mention the Buckfast, our other, other national drink.  This next one has nothing to do with fishing unless you subsidise your fishing with benefit money.

The Man from the Burroo set a honey trap in the Monklands recently that has not been well publicised.   He planted a story in the local paper that a pipeline was proposed from Buckfastleigh Abbey to a new bottling plant in the Monklands.  The editor of the paper was in on the trick and quintupled his print run and the owner of a local ?bus company (of which later) was also advised.  There were significant contributions to the Burroo Christmas Party Funds from these sources.  It was suggested that prospective employees attend initial interviews at disused factories in Airdrie and Coatbridge.  C.V.s would be required.

On the appointed morning the Airdrie queue stretched past the Plains and the Coatbridge one as far as Glasgow Cross.   As is the nature of queuing in these areas the fittest followed Darwinian principles to reach the head of the queue.

They were admitted 500 at a time to meet rows of clerks sitting in front of screens and keyboards.  The were asked to present their C.V.s, give details of all benefits they were receiving and sign a statement that pledged their confidentiality and willingness to enter paid employment.  Then they were asked to attend a further interview in the Burroo at a future date. At the subsequent interview they were confronted with their desire to work and, as appropriate, a film of their vigorous activities fighting their way up the queue.    All benefits were stopped forthwith.

Local M.S.P.s have been consulted but say it is a reserved matter and anyway, allegedly, it is no less than the b******s deserve for their recent disloyalty.  If you know who the local M.P.s are you will realise that there is not much hope in that area.

Apparently the Mighty Gordo will announce a significant fall in Scottish unemployment and a great fall in Social Security expenditure just before he moves to his new job.

Oh, the ?bus company.   50 ?buses will be leaving the Monklands each week for the next six months.  The destination is Lourdes and every pilgrim is looking for a miracle.