Shithead Wullie and Cedric.

[piscatus absentis]

It must be admitted that we Scots are natural linguists.  Even in the cradle we recognise that two, twa and twae along with four and fower refer to the same numbers.  Hot, hoat or het pies or pehs are understood from an early age and anyone over six will know the difference between fluor, flour, flower, flooer and a flooer from the context.  Is there a butcher anywhere in the land who does not know that apunni mince is not an eastern delicacy but a reference to weight?

But the English - now that?s another matter.  I firmly believe that the world would have been a more peaceful place over the past few hundred years if Englanders had an ear for languages and had listened instead of shouting and gesticulating and generally misunderstanding.  Not that I?ve anything against them, some of them are acceptable individually, maybe even nice, maybe going on for pleasant.  Collectively they?re a pain in the arse.

And so it was that Shithead Wullie met one who had somehow strayed on to the loch and survived; I?ll call him Cedric since he looked like a Cedric.

?Aye, fine day?,  says Wullie, ?ony luck??  ?Nothing?, was the response.
?Whit ur ye yasin???, asks Wullie.  ?Buzzers?, replies Cedric.
?Buzzers??, echoed Wullie, who saw a chance to learn something new, ?kin a huv a look at them??
?Of course?, and soon Wullie was gazing in astonishment at a three compartment wooden flybox containing hundreds of buzzers.
?Whit wye ur they cried buzzers??, queried Wullie.  ?Because of the noise they make?.  ?Oh, ah see?, said Wullie, ? they buzz under the watter tae attract the fish?.
?Oh, no, no, no, they don?t make a noise in the water - they buzz when they?re flying around?.   
?An? hoo dae the fish hear them when they?re fleein? aboot in the air??  ?They don?t, it?s the imago that buzzes?.
?Aw, ah see?, although he obviously did not, ?the troot imagine they?re buzzin?, that?s clever?.
?No, no, no, no, let me explain?, and Cedric took some time to outline the life cycle of an insect from egg, to nymph, to emerger, to imago an finally to dun.

You could almost hear the wheels going round in Wullie?s head, this was well beyond his limited powers of comprehension.
?Tell me that again??, he asked, and Cedric repeated the routine.
?So,? he said, a buzzer?s no a buzzer bit it?s an emerger an? a dun?s din.?
?There we are,? cried Cedric triumphantly and totally failing to grasp the meaning of ?din?, ?you can say that an emerger?s breakfast and lunch and a dun?s dinner, or din as you call it?.  ?Ah never said a word aboot breakfast, lunch and dinner?, complained Wullie, ?ah jist said a dun?s din.?

Cedric misunderstood again.  ?The dun doesn?t make a din, it?s the imago that buzzes?.  Jist a meenit,? protested Wullie, ?ah didny say that a dun buzzes, ah said that it?s din.?  Cedric?s penny dropped as he realised Wullies patois was referring to something else and he thought, correctly, that he knew what that he knew what that something else was.  ?Right,? said Cedric, ?let?s get this clear, a dun is a spent imago?.  ?Whit?s money goat tae dae wi? it,? cried Wullie, getting slightly agitated. 

?I wasn?t referring to spent as in money but spent as in exhausted, finished, worn out?, shouted Cedric despairingly.  ?That?s whit ah jist said - din?, Wullie shouted back.  ?Look?, cried a desperate Cedric, ?dinner has nothing to do with it?.

?Aw, gie it a bye ur ah?ll pit wan oan ye,? threatened Wullie and Cedric parroted querulously, ?pit wan oan ye?.  ?That pit?s the tin hat oan it,? screamed Wullie, ? ah?m gaun tae gie ye whit fur?.  ?Gie ye whit fur,? echoed Cedric, ?what?s whit fur??.

I left before hostilities commenced but stand by my remarks about language failures in England.

[Ian_M]

the best yet pa 


keep them coming.

[haresear]

the best yet pa 

Ian, Is Piscatus yer da' then?

Aye, a right funny read Piscatus. Anither guid yin.

Alex

[Ian_M]

Ian, Is Piscatus yer da' then?

My secrets out then   :oops:

[Noddy]

LOL