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Shiteheid Wullie and the Dinny Ken.

Started by piscatus absentis, May 17, 2009, 01:19:13 PM

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piscatus absentis

Shiteheid Wullie has been fishing regularly for salmon recently and, from the reports I have heard, very successfully. I'm like to put that down to the quality of the flees I've supplied him with but, in reality, he is a jammy, poxy, lucky big....

Over a few beers and the occasional glass he was telling me about his latest trip to the Tweed.

'An' it's no as dear as ye think ? if ye pick the right day an' bit o' watter ye kin git guid fishin' fur roon aboot ?50.  Mind ye the ghillies huv ay goat thur hauns oot  bit if ye gie thum a fish or two tae punt doon at the pub it'll keep thum oan yer side'.

'Ah wiz hivvin' a no bad day.  Two fish oan the bankin', baith aroon the ten pun mark, an hud loast anither two.  Then this English punter cam up tae me an' asked whit ah wiz gittin' the fish oan jist as ah hooked anither yin.  Oh that wiz some fish, as big as a coarner palin' stab.  The next thing it wiz in the air an' when it cam back doon it rolled ower the line an' wiz away wi' ma flee. The ghillie cam doon an' gave me dug's abuse.  Ah wiz a useless big somethin' ur ither that shouldny be let loose wi' a fishin' rod.  Ah'd tae stoap tryin' tae haul the fish oot o' the watter withoot gien thum a chance tae tire thursels oot.  Ah'd tae pit anither flee oan an' git back tae fishin' an' dae it right the next time.  Aw he waanted wiz mair fish tae sell ? ah ken whit they're like thae ghillies'.

'Then this English boy asked againwhit ah hud goat the fish oan.  Ah telt him ah dinny ken fur it's an auld boy that ties ma flees fur me an' he dizny say whit thur cried'.

'A Dinny Ken ? now that's a fly I've never heard of.  What does it look like?'

'Search me fur ah huvny goat anither wan in ma boax.  Ah'll jist hiv tae pit somethin' else oan'.

'What is that you're tying on?'

'Ah canny mind, ah wiz telt the name bit it's gaun clean oot o' ma heid'.

'A Canny Mind ? another interesting name and another that I've never heard of'.

'Here we go again ? anither fish.  Ah better no loss this wan ur that ghillie'll go aff his heid'.

But he did lose it together with another flee and I realised the reason for our meeting ? he needed a refill for his flybox.

'No problems Wullie', I said, 'just get up to the bar and arrange a couple of refills while I try to remember if I have enough hooks and materials left.  I think that ghillie has hit the nail on the head, just try to calm down when you hook a fish and let it beat itself, try a bit of patience'.

'It's no me that'll need tae calm doon so jist huv a sook at that whisky an' control yursel while ah tell ye whit happened next'.

'Am I going to like this Wullie?'

'Well ? no an awfy loat bit when ye hear whit happened ah'm shair yull understaun'.

'Ye see this Englishman wiz lookin' at me as though ah wiz Lord God Almighty'.

'I've never seen anything like that in my life.  You've caught and lost more fish in an hour or two than I have in a lifetime.  You're incredible'.

'Aw ah widny go that far ? the flees hud sumthin' tae dae wi' it as weel'.

'Where do you get your flies?  I want some Dinny Kens and Canny Minds and I don't care how much they cost.   I just know that next year will be one of my best ever if I can get some of those marvellous creations'.

'Well, whit could ah dae.  He wiz greetin' his een oot an' doon an his knees beggin' fur yur address so ah selt him yur phone number'.

'You sold him my phone number?'

'Weel ah'm jist as much as businessman as onybuddy else an' the sight o' thae fifty pound notes jist turned ma heid.  Onywye, whit's yur worry, ye kin jist tell him tae bugger aff if ye waant'.

A few nights later I was nodding off just as he music for East Enders started to play.  The phone rang and, as usual, was answered by the M.D.  With a puzzled look on her face she looked across at me and said,

'there's a funny sounding nut case on the line asking if this is the hice of the man who makes dinny kens and canny minds.  What's going on?  I've warned you about some of the company you keep'.

To cut a long story short I had to tell her it was an Englishman who wanted to buy flies from me and was prepared to pay silly money for them.  That was the only way I could get to talk to him.

And he is paying silly money  but the problem is that the M.D knows as well and she'll be standing there with her hand out. 

And it gets worse.  I've no idea what Dinny Kens and Canny Minds look like since Wullie lost them all.  Has anyone out there got the patterns?

 

Ian_M

I wondered where Wullie had gone recently.  Brilliant as per usual pa.   :D
Ian

Its Me


Inchlaggan

No problem- The Englishman does not know what a Dinny Ken looks like either - offer him a boxful.
Tie what you like, charge what you like :lol:
'til a voice as bad as conscience,
rang interminable changes,
on an everlasting whisper,
day and night repeated so-
"Something hidden, go and find it,
Go and look beyond the ranges,
Something lost beyond the ranges,
Lost and waiting for you,
Go."

superscot

and i thought he had retired ...welcome back Wullie

johnsd

yer going where

invictor


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