Santy Claus is coming.

[piscatus absentis]

I decided to have a go at the grayling the other day and headed off to a wee burn in the wilds of South Lanarkshire.  After a freezing half hour with no success a mist started to come down and I thought it prudent to head back to the car.  Five minutes later I was lost and plowtering about in a bog.  Then I saw a red light and a voice said, ?follow me?.  Incredibly and believe it or not it was a reindeer with a red light on its backside and a headlamp on its nose.  ?And no funny stuff either, that red lamp is not a target ? I know what you fishers are like?.
A couple of minutes later we came to a stone building with lighted windows.  ?In you go, you?re expected?.  It was a cozy bar with a gantry loaded with hundreds of whiskys and McEwans export pumps on the counter.  What can I say about the barmaid?  Gravity defying might be appropriate with little left to the imagination.  ?I usually work in a chip shop in Dunkeld?, she informed me, ?but I have a special job at this time of the year.  What would you like??  Your a half and a pint man I?ve heard?.  She was filling the glasses when another, I assumed customer, came in.  A big man dressed in red with a bigger and whiter beard than Fish Tales. 
Santy Claus ? now I knew I was dreaming.  ?Welcome and drink up?, he ho hoed to me, ?since you?ve been a good wee boy you?re going to have a special treat.  Tell me what you want for Christmas but forget these impossible things like goodwill to all men, fishers and politicians ? I don?t do miracles?.
He seemed to read my mind.  Forget a new rod, I had enough already and my casting was shite anyway.  I had another beer and a half while I thought.  Casting lessons?  ?There?s an instructor who lives outside Elgin?, said Santy, ?but I don?t think he?d suit you and anyway he?s geting a spell checker for Christmas?.  ?What about a day out with Col?  No forget that, you?d just be embarrassed.  There?s another couple living near Dundee, Fred and Bandy I think they?re called.  They never catch many fish but... ach you?d just start arguing with them ? total purists?.
?What about a schoolteacher, I know a few of them although they?re right pedantic and narky bastards so they wouldn?t get on with you?  Hielanders ? no your not the type to get on with them.  You know you?re a problem.  I can?t remember anyone as awkward as you ? and you fish for rainbows as well.  I?ve a feeling I?ve made a mistake here?.
?Look,? I asked him, ?can I say something?.   ?On you go,? he replied grumpily.  ?just let me have an hour or two in the bar here to get happy and ogle your barmaid, get me home safely and make sure everyone has a happy Christmas with all they want from you.  Then make next season the best ever?.

?Done?, he replied, ?let?s get well oiled.  My last chance before next week?.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

[Clan Ford]

Fantastic Piscatus

And Col,

I feel this may be my last post !.......

Sarcasm is the lowest for of wit ..... I love it :lol:

Norm

[Wildfisher]

Fred and Bandy I think they’re called.  They never catch many fish

Totally inaccurate Bob, for a start there is a superfluous letter m in that sentence.

Right, sod you, I'm no' staying here to be insulted.

Come on John, Col, let's  go for a pint or 10 and leave them to it. 

[Ian_M]

A Christmas cracker pa.

[Fishtales]

  A big man dressed in red with a bigger and whiter beard than Fish Tales. 

The picture is a bit out of date. Here is an up to date one.

[Wildfisher]

That looks more like Mike Connor to me. 

[superscot]

just where does that mind get them from !!!!!  :lol: :lol: :lol:

[sandyborthwick]

Good one PA, now whats all this about red lights!! and that guy with the beard and red suit looks well dodgy - seems vaguely familiar though - tells a few Tales also.

Sandy B.O.